I have never been exactly very healthy. I am told that this is an acquired condition which I believe to mean that I was not born this way. I confess I have abused my body a little too much. I do not exactly remember the last time I have spent two nights in a row with a proper 8-hours sleep. I have spent my entire adult life so far staying up at night reading novels, smoking, and drinking tea, coffee and coca cola.Human body is like a car, if you don’t take care of it, it will malfunction at first, and then go completely out-of-order, but the problem is that unlike your car, you cannot change your body”, the words of my doctor brother still echo in my ears after all these years. Too bad I did not heed his advice.

I never thought that a seemingly unimportant small piece of tissue at the bottom of my throat is actually such a vital piece of my body. But that small thing is gigantically malicious. The effrontery of this little piece has put me in a perpetual predicament. It seems that after all its tall claims of progress and miracle, medical science is appallingly unable to permanently cure thyroid disease. You just have to live with it, if you can call it living.

Thyroid disease and its different syndromes

5 different scintigramms taken from thyroids with different syndroms: A) normal thyroid, B) Graves disease, diffuse increased uptake in both thyroid lobes, C) Plummers disease (TMNG, toxic multinodular goitre), D) Toxic adenoma, E) Thyroiditis. Marker 99Tc (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This little gland of yours is the powerhouse of your body. Just imagine about 6 feet of your body dependent on the energy supply from this obscure piece of the neck. And if it does not work effectively and efficiently, in the words of management science, you are just a sack of sand that you are unable to carry. You just do not have enough energy to function. Your muscles give up, your are either too cold or too warm, and your heart is either sinking in burden or feels like exploding in all that pressure to perform adequately. There are times when you think death would be easier than life. Every now and then you feel like making those friendly snakes around you finally happy who sob at your face on your failures and laugh out loud as soon as you turn your back.

However, as a budding social scientist, I am inclined to relate things with social reality to be able to better understand any phenomenon. I often find myself thinking about all these debates on fact-value split and conclude that these discourses are futile. We humans are inherently interpretivists; bias comes as a given with us naturally, and there can be no such thing as absolutely objective in social science research and analysis.

On a personal level, I despise violence of all forms and shapes. I also find myself compassionate to a certain degree, so I often ask myself what drives America insane? Why is the American foreign policy a complete no-brainer? Why are they pushing the world to a complete catastrophe? I have never been to the United States (though I would like to one day), and I do not know American politicians personally. If I knew them I would have asked them why they cannot see their policies from the eyes of the rest of the world? I really wish to understand if they cannot see that their policies have brought the world to the brink of total collapse instead of making it any safer.

So, I borrow the wisdom of Don Michael Corleone, and declare I do not hate the United States, and I am not anti-American unlike Americans think about the rest of the world. Because if I would it would affect my judgement – and this a social scientist in the making cannot afford.

An official portrait of Condoleezza Rice. Cont...

An official portrait of Condoleezza Rice. Contrast enhanced from State department version to compensate for slight light overexposure. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I now recall Condoleezza Rice loved the phrase, “the new Middle East”. The new Middle East that is emerging from the rubbles of the Arab Spring is horrid. Now enters Russia into Syria. Our dear masculine Vladimir Putin is increasingly fond of flexing and flashing his muscles just like his American counter-part. Syria adds to the many points of clashes between the “civilised”, “honourable and honest”, “defender of the world” West and the haughty, quirky, and the barbaric Rus. Elsewhere in Asia, China is being encircled and enticed, the United States has successfully coerced Japan to militarize again, while it pampers the South Asian bully, India, to compete with her Cathay neighbour all the while it continues to harass its other neighbours. And except for South Africa and a couple of other negligible African countries, the entire black continent is ripped apart for I do not know what reason, do you? Those poor and starving “lesser humans” are being killed for centuries by the white-man for just existing I believe.

So, what is happening here? What we see in the world are mere symptoms of a deeper and more serious problem. I think America is sick. I think America has thyroid disease. It needs urgent medical care. I, for one, know for sure what terrible and depressing sickness that is. It is so lonely and cold to suffer from thyroid disease, and it makes you feel so insecure.

This new Middle East the Americans are trying to create is what Pepe Escobar calls “Piplineistan”. This chronic American desire to infiltrate, secure, attack and occupy energy resources makes my hypothesis about America’s thyroid disease even more valid. I can clearly relate with this American sense of acute shortage of energy.

I truly feel that we need to empathise with this American condition. I have a proposition to make for the safety and security of the world. The government of Pakistan should convince ‘brotherly’ Middle Eastern and Central Asian states to offer our American godfather a fair share of the world’s energy racket free of charge and on the condition that they would agree to leave the rest of the world on its own and never mind what happens east of the Atlantic. I truly believe that in no time the world will be completely normal again and we will successfully postpone apocalypse and rapture for at least a few centuries.

In the end, we also need to convince our American friends to get hospitalized and receive treatment for their thyroid disease. We truly need the Americans to be doing what they are actually good at; innovation, scientific progress, entrepreneurialism, education and healthcare. Their efforts in global politics and leadership is neither good for them nor for us.