The Cognitive Backyard

Things I Still Want Her to Know

I Still Want Her to Know That I Want To See Her Again

Two weeks have gone by and I still cannot believe you are gone. One and a half-year ago, there were many things I wanted you to know; things I wished I had done differently and things I wished I had told you. Just a year ago, things were so very different. Just a month ago, although the doctors had been telling me otherwise, I didn’t want to believe you were going. I know you respected my eccentric nature and still loved me, but I never desired to be so alone as you have left me to be now. I didn’t want you to respect my weaknesses so much. Continue with reading

The Feminist Writer?

feminist view of domestic violence

I have written in one capacity or another ever since I was eight years old. I like to believe I am a good writer; some of my kind friends even exaggerate their appreciation for my writing to make me feel good about it. However, being honest with myself, I know where I stand. I am neither too optimistic nor too pessimistic about my writing skills. I have a realistic view of my potential. But, let me say this at the least that I am not content, I want to do better and I want to do more. Continue with reading

The Conquest of Paradise

The conquest of paradise

I have always believed I had a purpose. Ever since I was a little child I used to ask myself often “Why did God create me?”, “What if I didn’t want to be born?”, “What if I wanted a different family?” I have been so far unable to find the answer. I have hardly ever been convinced by what philosophers or clergy has to say about it. After years of search for an answer, I have managed to shut myself up on the concept that human life exists on a delicate balance between predestination and free will. Continue with reading

In Love with a Ghost

A woman in love with a ghost

I always told her she was actually in love with a ghost. She used to laugh crazily, and told me “yes, you are no less than a ghost”.

I told her, “look, it’s true that I care a lot about you, but so many years have passed, we have both changed and so has life, you should now forget that once we almost got romantic.”

But she never listened, she was a very stubborn woman. Continue with reading

Me, Myself and Inconsistency

I always wanted to tell you how I became what I am, and why I cannot do things that others expect me to. You have always told me that I am a waste of God-gifted talents, and you are the only one who says this to me so nicely, everyone else believes I am a waste of space. You were completely right in your assessment that I was not born this way. I can go on for hours about how and what made me the way I am but I think what really matters is that you know why I have been plagued by inconsistency. Continue with reading

Things I Want Her to Know

She calls this room my “hujrah” (cloister / man-cave).

This is my operational room. This is where I monitored the entire 2013 elections, and in the words of my cousin Sidra, “as a one-man army”. This is where I read, I write, I cozy up in to my lonely self and spend time thinking, smoking, taking tea or coffee, use internet, go “social”, do multimedia of all types depending on my mood and just be with myself – most of the time just sit and do nothing. Continue with reading

How I Lost My Heart

My dearest love,

I know that after all these years we had spent together, I just abandoned you, and left you alone without saying a word, or even a goodbye. I doubt you would want to hear from me anymore, but there are things I just wanted to say to you, I wish I could tell all this to you face to face but I do not have the heart to face you one more time. Continue with reading

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